Fooling Oneself

Each of us was raised with a set of values. Some came from our parents, some from our community, some we adopted from a myriad of experiences. Many of these values seem to be reflexive ones. They are so ingrained and inculcated that we can iterate them instantly in any situation. Ex: Don't point your finger, that's rude.
I feel however, that many of our values need to reexamined as we go through life. In my case, I'm 64. I have discovered that some of my values are simply rhetoric and not my feelings about an issue. Specifically, I have thought much about charity, gifts, and kindness.
I thought it was imperitive that a person said "thank you" when I gave a gift or a kind deed. Certainly my parents drummed it into my head to always thanks others for gifts or kindness.
I drum it into my children's heads and my grandchildren's heads. I think saying thank you is a very important way of showing gratitude and acknowledgement when someone does something kind for you. I always try to say thanks. I value that highly, but that is not my issue.
My issue is: do I demand of those receiving gifts or kindnesses from me to thank me? I found myself reinforcing the idea that if someone failed to thank me, they were unworthy of my gifts or kindness and that I would be thinking much harder before they were recipients of my deeds the next time. Then I thought about the whole idea of giving. My value of the thank you was reflexive - I insisted upon a "here's a gift for you - thank you very much" connection. It is as if I need something back when I give. I'm not sure that is true.
I have concluded that anonymous giving is the essence of giving. Someone values helping others. They help without the thanks directed at them. I'm not sure I'm totally at that level yet, but I am sure that giving to others who need my help makes me feel good all in itself. Some how I still have a way of discriminating my charitable deeds, but when I give, I don't expect anything back from the recipient. I give myself a warm feeling and that's what it's about for me.
There are many others things I must reconsider. This was a start.